RỚT VÀ ĐẬU

Xưa có anh học trò là con quan từ Quảng ra Huế dự thi có mang theo một chú bé để hầu hạ. Lúc đi trên đèo Hải Vân, mải ngắm nhìn cảnh đẹp, một cơn gió mạnh làm chiếc khăn của chú bé rớt xuống. Chú giật mình kêu to:
- Ối trời, rớt rồi.
Anh học trò thấy chú bé nói lên tiếng "rớt" sợ nó vận vào việc thi cử của mình, bèn dặn:
- Chớ nói bậy. Từ rày cấm chú nói đến cái tiếng xui xẻo ấy, nghe không?
Chú bé hỏi:
- Thưa cậu, nếu không nói tiếng đó thì phải nói thế nào?
- Rủi mà bị gió làm bay khăn phải nói là "đậu" nghe không?
Chú bé ngoan ngoãn "dạ". Bịt chặt chiếc khăn lên đầu rồi nói với chiếc khăn:
- Tao cột chặt thế này, đi tới Huế, mày đừng mong "đậu" nữa, nghe không

NGƯỜI VIỆT NÓI TIẾNG ANH

"Wife husband me marry 3 years. He my husband. He go street sea. I go street walk. I come here with
two white hand, feet wet, feet dry. I frog afraid who. My husband eat welfare. He no go work but he
think he delicious. I go work 3 column, 3 copper, and he ask money. I no give him, and he say he hit
me see my mother!"
After end, he give mistake me, I say “No star where”, take advantage, he up water!
Every night, husband I asks I about "Dynamic room flower wishing", after end, I evening him!
Last night, he go strike cards, suck medicine Laos no rest. He fall table lamp each month.
Oh SKY hey, 4 fall wall, he know end!
I tell him go house church, swell sin with father in season lay-bare (God day week next 4/20/2000)

水餃不見ㄌ

有一家賣水餃的小吃店都沒生意，

於是她就去請問師公要怎麼半，

師公說：你要去搬一個新鮮的屍體把它的肉包成水餃，

然後賣出去這樣生意就會很好了，

老闆試了試效果果真很好，

於是她就再去抱屍體了，

隔天她的兒子要帶便當，

可是卻找不到於是他就去冰箱找看看，

結果發現了一個便當盒他以為是他的就帶走了，

沒想到盒子裡是爸爸賣剩的餃子，

他中午時掀開來看下了一跳，

早上餃子明明是10個為何馬上就變成5個，

他又試了試把蓋子蓋起來再掀開又變成2個了！知道為甚麼嗎？

●

因為餃子黏在蓋子上了。

ENGLISH JOKES

GRANDMA'S AGE:
LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED! HIS GRANDMA! HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."
JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?"

LIFE AFTER DEATH:
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
"YES, SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!

PALM SUNDAY:
IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS HE WALKED BY."
"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!"

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